


I have chose my consequence, I've chosen my name

by tonyjasper99



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Religion Mention, Trans Martin, Trans Martin Blackwood, Transgender, cw child abuse, cw emotional neglect, finding name, martin blackwood mother - background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25588333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonyjasper99/pseuds/tonyjasper99
Summary: David. Of Hebrew origins, meaning beloved.--Martin thinks a lot about names
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	I have chose my consequence, I've chosen my name

**Author's Note:**

> MAG 170 gave me a lot of feelings, especially in regards to trans Martin
> 
> Title from Daughterson by Coyote Grace

David. Of Hebrew origins, meaning beloved. He wishes to be beloved, so it would be fitting. He’s lonely. Nineteen years of age; dropped out of school to take care of his mother. There isn’t enough time for friends between jobs, driving his mother to appointments, and taking care of the house. 

He  _ knows _ his mother loves him, but at times it can be hard to remember. She can be short with him on her bad days, and she tended to have quite a few of those. Yes, he messed up a lot; he would be too loud and wake her up, run the bath water too hot, or accidentally run late getting home. 

She was his mom, and he was her child, of course she loved him. He wanted to feel loved though. 

David. It was a nice name, but it wasn’t the one for him.

* * *

Zach, short for Zachary. Also of Hebrew origins. It means “God has remembered.” He was raised Catholic. His mother was a stern believer. He thinks it helped her cope with her illness, but he was the opposite. 

Between watching his father leave, his mother suffer, never being able to make or have friends, and never knowing if he would be able to financially care for his mother, all while he is still a child, he couldn't believe there was a God.

What kind of God would let his mother suffer like that? Make him suffer like that? He watches the news and sees disasters taking place everyday and he couldn't bring himself to believe that the "loving and forgiving God" he was taught about growing up would allow all of this to happen.

He didn't believe that there was a God. If there was, they did not remember him.

* * *

Skylar. It was an American originating name, but it had a nice ring to it. It meant scholar; one thing he wasn’t. He was smart and always did good in school, especially in his literature classes. He wanted to study English at some university, but he had to drop out of school when he was just seventeen to take care of his mum. 

He knew, no matter how badly he wanted to go back to school, he would never be able to. Not enough time for classes between jobs and not enough time to study between helping his mother. 

He knew when he got older he would have to lie about having a degree to get a good job, he didn’t want his name to be a lie as well.

* * *

Riley. It was a name meaning brave. It was of Irish origins, coming from the name Raghallach, a man who died in the Battle of Clontarf. Some people would tell him he was brave. Only a brave person could care for their sick parent all by themselves. He doesn’t feel brave though.

He feels scared. He is scared that one day he will wake up and she won’t be breathing anymore, that he will forget to give her her medications and something will go wrong. He’s scared that he isn’t able to take good enough care of her and that they will take her away and put her in a home. He’s scared that she would actually want that.

He wishes he could live up to a name like Riley, but he can’t.

* * *

Martin. Latin for servant of Mars, God of War. He always liked mythology, found it interesting, but there was something else about this name that drew him to it.

It sounded like a small name, one that belongs to a gentle person. A caring person. It sounded like a warm name. One that would belong to a person who was able to comfort others. Be their friend. It felt like a  _ happy _ name.

_ Martin K Blackwood. _ A  _ happy _ name.  _ His _ name.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Twitter at @TonyJasper99 and Tumblr at tonyjasper99!


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